Modernization Hub

Modernization and Improvement
Change The Way You Think About Love with Steve Arterburn

Change The Way You Think About Love with Steve Arterburn

– Hi everybody. Well it is so great to
be here and such an honor to get to speak to each of you. What a great thrill. You know, I do have a long history here. I attended here, my daughter Madeline was baptized right back over there and well I’ve loved Rick, respected him. And Kay, you know, she took
up the AIDS, HIV initiative. I had a brother that died from AIDS. I always appreciated that about her. I have notes, I still
have notes from meetings with John Baker where we were
talking about these hurts and these habits and these hangups and what could be done about that. It was such a great, wonderful time. Sometimes Rick would
call and say you know, “I’m not feeling well,
could you do something?” Of course yes. One time he said, “I’m feeling okay “but my computer has a virus.” And he said, “You got anything?” Yes, I do. So it’s wonderful to be back here. I’m a teaching pastor in a
church called Northview Church in Carmel, Indiana but I’ve got, Saddleback DNA in me
and it has been so great to be here this weekend. And I loved Rick’s sermon last week about rethinking your life
and then managing your mind. And I’m gonna do some parallel stuff here, I’m gonna talk about rethinking love and managing your heart. That’s what we’re gonna
do right here today and I think it’s important
that we talk about love. You know, love isn’t all rainbows and pink hearts and stars
and butterflies and all that. We’d like to believe
that but love is hard. Some people are in a marriage,
they think it’s hard labor. And it’s, maybe it is. There was a couple, they were
having a little wine together. They weren’t Southern Baptists and they, she says, “I love you.” He says, “Is that you talking
or is that the wine talking?” And she says, “No that’s
me talking to the wine.” (congregation laugh) So it doesn’t always go well you know? And then you know, we’re
brought into this world with a great labor of love. And great pain. Us men, we don’t understand it. We have heard that a birth labor pain is, is so horrible that you almost understand what it’s like for us to have headache. That’s just a rumor
and, but we don’t know. You know, it’s always amazing to me. A woman can take something
the size of a watermelon, push it through something
the size of a garden hose and she’s up in a couple hours doing fine. Us men, we have a little,
little kidney fleck. We call it a stone just
to make us feel better, just a little fleck and
we’re out for five days. Just a little thing like that. You’ve got the watermelon so I know that God has given childbirth
to the right gender. My, my mom said, “Oh Steve, childbirth. “That was not nearly as
painful as raising you.” Okay, alright, I get that. Anyway, my pain threshold
is about that of a gnat. I go to the doctor, he says okay, scale of one to 10. I go well, my scale kind of starts at 10 so I don’t do well with pain. When I go to the dentist,
I don’t want laughing gas or Novocaine, I want an epidural and that’s, that’s how I get through that. So I have no, no argument there. Anyway, I, I wanna talk about
a little bit of painful stuff with love, romance you know. We love to talk about romance. Everybody loves romance. You know, God uses romance
to get us together. Two things like a male and a female. We’re so different, we’re
like from different species and then, God uses this romance thing to make us certifiably, mentally ill. And then, we are so mentally ill we decide, hey I’d like
to spend my life with you and procreate all all of that. And we get together,
that’s how it happens. And then you, you marry and
you eat the wedding cake. Everything changes, I mean it’s just. You know, you put your best foot forward and then that ugly ol’ other
foot comes right out there. So I suggest people get really
good premarital counseling and do not eat the wedding cake. Because there’s something in that cake, I don’t know what it is. It’s really very different. You know people love romance, they’re on all of the dating sites and boy they are just,
proliferating like crazy. I have one piece of advice
if you use a dating site. If you like someone’s picture, ask them to send you a second picture holding up today’s date on the newspaper. There, just, okay here’s
what I look like now ’cause. It can save a lot of
disappointment and heartache there I’ll tell you. So I wanna talk to you
about rethinking love, managing your heart and to do that, I had to make up four words. I mean who cares, I just did it. I said, let’s make them up. Nothing worked for me. So here’s our first one. We’re gonna look at four
words that I made up and the first one Lordular. Now doesn’t that say it all right there? I just suffixicated it and I’m thinking some English teachers may die of suffixiation right here but love must be directed toward God and provided to others in
forms that resemble God. It really is, it is the number one thing that we need to do. Is to figure out how to love and how to experience God’s love and it must be all about God. The Pharisees were trying to trick Jesus. You know, what a bunch of idiots. You do not trick Jesus
but they were trying and so they asked him you know, what’s the most important thing? He says this in Matthew 22:37. He says, “You must love the Lord your God “with all your heart, all your soul “and all your mind. “This is the first and
the greatest commandment.” So he’s saying right there to all of us, let me give you a clue about life. This is the big one. You love God with
everything that you have. If you don’t get that right,
you’re not getting really anything right. And here’s what I think is so amazing. The God of the universe who created out of this whole vast
universe, this little marble called Earth that’s so beautiful, perfect amount of gravity, perfect amount of anything for us to, and
he makes these little humans. And he wants to love us. And he wants us to love him. He’s made room for us. I think that’s phenomenal. When you think of how many billions and billions of stars are out there. A.W. Tozer, wrote this. He says it’s strange and
it’s a beautiful eccentricity of a free God that has allowed his heart to be emotionally identified with us. Self-sufficient as he
is, he wants our love. And will not be satisfied
until he gets it. He has let his heart
be bound to us forever. His love is active, drawing us to himself. His love is personal. He doesn’t love humanity
in some vague sense, he loves humans, he loves you and me. And his love for us knows
no beginning and no end. And you know, if you don’t feel God’s love and you’re not experiencing
God’s there is hope and I am hoping before
this morning is over that you experience some hope
and a difference about that because God absolutely loves you. Look at 1 John 4:16 through 19. Says this, we know how much God loves us and we have put our trust in his love. Now look at this, God is love. Now that’s something that’s certain. It doesn’t say that God’s loving. It says he is love. And all who live in love live in God and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our
loves grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid
on the day of judgment but we can face him with confidence because we live like
Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear because
perfect love expels all fear. If we’re afraid, it is
for fear of punishment and this shows that we
have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each because he first loved us. Now we’re not loving
because it’s a good idea. That’s not why you love. You love because God, the
creator of your soul is love. That’s why we love. And when we do, and when we get it right, we experience something
that is so far beyond the experience of so many other people. Because they’ve never felt love. Imagine this, some people
are raised in a family, no one tells them that they love them, for whatever reason. Or they’re neglected, or abused. And they grow up. We tend to be attracted to
what we’re comfortable with and so they marry somebody that is also not very loving or is abusive. And you can see how
somebody could move right on into adult life and
never know what it’s like to truly experience love
from another human being and then of course, not
experience the love of God. And if that’s the way it
is, well we have to ask why. Why is it this way? What is it that needs to be done to fix the love problem with God? When I was growing up, my parents were very, very strict. I mean they were, they were so strict. My brothers and I were
not allowed to drink Cokes out of a can. Because my parents were
afraid that someone would see the Arterburn boys drinking a can Coke and think that we were drinking beer. Well we were drinking beer anyway, so. Didn’t really matter but it
made them feel better you know and we drink those
Cokes out of the bottle. But it was all about right and wrong. Which is important, but
rules with no relationship, not much. And so it became all about performance and doing the right
thing or the wrong thing. And when that’s the way
it is, you often chose the wrong thing as I often did. And I really went into adult life not really feeling or
experiencing God’s love and not knowing it from other people. And then, I found this, this fellowship of dedicated, amazing Christian men whose agenda was just to love other men. Who maybe like me, you
have a father wound. So many of us men do. We’re compensating for
this and I’ll tell you, I, I started to feel genuine
love from other believers and I felt for the first time
the experience of God’s love. I fully felt God’s love. And you know what happened? Just like the Scripture says, the fear that I had lived
with just started to diminish. It really does cast out fear. And so if we’re afraid we have to say maybe my love relationship with God needs some work and it can be repaired, if we’re willing to do
what God suggests we do. The second word that I made up is the word otherward, otherward. Not selfish but otherward,
I mean I couldn’t find anything, so anyway. Love is not self-centered and if it is, then it’s not really love. People say we have a Christian marriage, well yeah but you know. If Christ isn’t in that marriage it’s not a Christian marriage. And if Christ is in that marriage there’s gonna be loving things
done for the other person. Now this is an amazing
verse, Matthew 22:39. Again this is Jesus
responding to those Pharisees and he says this. A second, he’s talking
about a commandment. “A second is equally important.” So only Jesus can say
okay here’s number two but it’s equal to number one,
even though it’s number two. “Love your neighbor as yourself. “The entire law and all
the demands of the prophets “are based on these two commandments.” Well, first of all when
we talk about Lordular, Satan doesn’t want you
loving God or worshiping God. Satan wants you, doesn’t
want you to worship Satan. He wants you to worship yourself and then when it comes to the neighbor he doesn’t, Satan doesn’t want you
loving your neighbor. He wants you to have
conflict with your neighbor. Especially if your neighbor sleeps in the same bed with
you and you’re married to that neighbor because that, your spouse is a neighbor. And so if we’re truly gonna live the life that God’s called us to
live and we are not loving, you’re either loving or you aren’t. You can’t be mean and say oh boy, I’ve got the spirit of the Lord in me. No you can’t do it. Look at this second verse
here, under otherward. Galatians 5:13, for you have been called to live in freedom my
brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to
serve one another in love. We’re either serving
someone else or we’re not. We’re either doing things
out of love or we’re not. And then Romans 13:8,
owe nothing to anyone except for your obligation
to love one another. If you love your neighbor you will flfill the requirements of God’s law. So you’re not fulfilling the requirements of God’s law if you’re not loving to the very person that you’re married to. So we need to be loving. Now if you’re in a
marriage, it requires work to be otherward in marriage. Someone said that a marriage license really is a work permit
and I think that’s true. You gotta get to work. Someone said it’s also
like a deck of cards. All you need are two
hearts, and a diamond. And then after you marry
you’re looking for a club and if things don’t change
you’re looking for a spade. That’s not good either. Marriage is, it’s full of, I heard a guy, was pulled over by a policeman. And the policeman looks down
the guy’s got a wedding ring on and he says to the guy, well
I see you’re married there so you know that everything you say can and will be held against you. (congregation laugh) Marriage gets a bad rap because we’re not, not doing everything
that we could possibly do to be otherward. My wife and I, you know we dated and you think you know everything about the person until you eat
the wedding cake and then oh, this is someone new. And I discovered that she
was born with a birth defect, a very serious birth defect. I had never noticed this before, when you’re in love and romance you just don’t notice things. But she has no clock in her head. She was born without a
clock, it’s just not there. No sense of time whatsoever. So she’ll say, “Honey what time is it?” And I’ll say, oh what time do
you think it is sweetheart? What nine, no honey it’s midnight and you kind of missed three
hours there and I mean, it’s serious. And then I have a birth
defect that she never noticed, I was born without a compass in my head. I have no sense of direction whatsoever. I can go right, left, u-turn but I mean, my GPS in my car, it kind of stutters on recalculating route. It just really has a problem. But boy she knows, she’ll talk. Go northeast, northeast what is that? I don’t know northeast. I couldn’t tell you right now. And it’s a problem. You know she’s up there getting dressed, taking her time, going oh I’m
gonna get lost anyway, what. Big deal. (congregation laugh) And I’m down there pacing, come on, we’re gonna get lost, we’ve
got to get on the road here. Gotta have some margin. So, one day I said, hey could we just go in the bedroom honey. You know I was waiting for the right time and we go in the bedroom and I say honey, you know that anything
that you want me to change or work on, I’m there. I wanna do that for you. She goes great. I said, there is just a little thing that you could, I think it’d
make our relationship easier if and it’s just a little thing to work on. And you know honey, if you
want me to work on something and she goes, “Yeah great.” And so I start, I go so. And she goes, “Hey, there is something “I’d like you to work on.” I go oh, okay well great. And then we’ll get the other thing. She said, “I’d like for you to work on “not giving me things to work on.” (congregation laugh) I said, I think I’ll
work on that right now. Yeah, good idea. So yeah. So being otherward doesn’t
mean we fix the other person. No it means we fix me. And then we do for the other person. If you get two people that are otherward even though you’ve never
even heard the word before but you get two people acting like that, you’re gonna have a
pretty decent relationship and it can be full of love. Now the third word that I made
up is the word volitionful. I love this, volitionful. It’s love is full of willful acts of choosing to act in the best
interest of another person. You know, it’s easy to say you love. It’s easy to talk a good game
in the Christian community but what are you doing? You’ll hear parents say, oh
well I’d die for my children. Oh great, well that’s probably
not gonna have to happen in this day and age. But would you live for them? Would you put down the alcohol? Would you stop the pornography? Would you quit the affair? Would you, would you be home
rather than somewhere else? Would you be present? Would you live for your kids? That’s volitional and volitionful. Because your life becomes full of things your kids can point to that
show that you’re a person who really loves them. Look at John 14:24,
“Anyone who doesn’t love me “will not obey me. “And remember, my words are not my own. “What I’m telling you is
from the Father who sent me.” So you know you say, I don’t even know how to love God. Well you love God with acts of willful sacrifice and obedience. You obey God. Obedience isn’t just for pets. It’s for us too. We need to obey. And then, you look at John 3:17, 18 “If someone has enough money to live well “and sees a brother or sister in need “but shows no compassion,
how can God’s love “be in that person? “Dear children, let’s not merely say “that we love each other,
let’s show the truth “by our actions.” I mean, if we’re not
gonna show it in some way, what is it worth? And does it have any meaning? After I married my wife,
I discovered we had just a slight difference
in communication style. If I was a superhero I
would wanna be known as Bulletpoint Man. I’d have a, like a dot on a
cape or something like that. I wanna know the headline, I
wanna know the bottom line, what’s on the line. To me, the devil is in the detail. I never met a detail I like. You know, just give me the facts. That’s what I want. So my wife’s a little bit different. When she communicates, she starts, there’s a prelude, there’s
a building up of emotion and then we have this crescendoing
to the climatic moment full of rich expression of
feeling and drama like that. And then the diminuendo and
we kind of have resolution to the peace and we come down to finally we have the postlude. Live in that moment right there. Well I have one of the few cases of terminal attention deficit disorder. Because growing up, I
didn’t get enough attention, I have a deficit and so
it’s a disorder that I have. So I needed to figure out how to do this. So, my wife and I, every Thursday we go to, we have a dance lesson and we go to marriage counseling. Now you know, dance lesson ’cause I was raised Southern Baptist and you just don’t dance. So you gotta do that and then
people are always astounded. You go to marriage counseling every week? Wow, you guys must really be in bad shape. No, our insurance pays
for it so we just use it. So anyway, I’ve, but it’s really helpful. So I’m with the, I had one of the sessions about myself I said oh man you know, I’m doing this and then she doing that. And I love her but I get lost. He said look you gotta figure this out. Because that’s her love language. She wants to be listened to and heard and so, look at different
parts of her face. Don’t look away, stay focused,
pay attention you know. Don’t roll your eyes, don’t look at. So, so that night. Here we go. I am, oh I’m right there. (congregation laugh) She looks at me and she says, you are so attentive. I say, you have no idea. And then I learned this, guys you know, if there’s
a complaint or something you think you’ve gotta explain or you’ve gotta defend yourself. I’ve learned something,
the Yurkavitches go here, they taught me this. No matter what she says don’t explain, don’t defend yourself. Just do this, is there more? You guys, you’ll love it. Try it, I mean really. And there’ll be more and then, and then you say anything else? No, nah that’s it. Just wanna get that off my chest. And you’re off, you’re free. You try to explain or defend and here’s what women are thinking. Idiot. (congregation laugh) Just quit it, just listen to me. That’s all that, so anyway
it’s just a little hint there I think you’ll appreciate it later on. We, we have to be volitional. You know the book Every Man’s Battle, it came out 20 years ago. We’ve just finished the second education, 20th anniversary and millions of men have read that book. And thousands have come,
we do a, New Life does a, a weekend Every Man’s Battle intensive. We fly in therapists and
we really do the work. Guys come in on Friday,
they leave on Sunday because they want to live
a life of sexual integrity. They got sucked into this whole thing and it takes courage to
make that phone call. But they do it. And then you know, we
have this radio program and we’re on 99.5 FM at two o’clock here, we’re on live on Serious XM
at channel 131 at 10 a.m.. And we’ll have guys call. It’s a typical call. Well you know I had five affairs and was into pornography
all through our marriage and I just feel really bad. So I’ll say, well what
are you doing about that? Oh, well I’m getting
up early in the morning and I read my Bible and I’m praying more. Those are nice things to do. But I say this, so you’ve
ripped out her heart, you’ve broken your vows, you’ve destroyed all security and trust, and you’re gonna be spiritual
and get up in the morning and privately deal with this? If you could’ve dealt
with this on your own with nobody knowing, you
would’ve dealt with it by now. You need to get help. And the same thing with women. My wife facilitates a
recovery group at our church for women with sexual integrity problems, just like with men. Pornography, affairs, all of this. But they’re doing something about it. You know, I you have
hurt someone like this, and you’re just, you’re gonna
do some pseudospiritual thing, that is not a volitionful reaction to the damage that has been done. I say you need the laying on of hands which means lay your hands on
the steering wheel of a car and you drive yourself to a
Celebrate Recovery meeting or you go get help or
come to an intensive. You show that you love
her and yes you messed up and you’ll do whatever it takes. What a sad thing to be found out or be convicted and
then you just wanna keep it a secret when what
somebody else needs to see is I am willing to do anything to be worthy of your trust again. It takes action. Don’t be a person who
merely says the easy stuff but doesn’t do the difficult. And do what you can to change. Because you see, love
encourages and it serves. Love leads and it gets
help and it meets needs and it doesn’t criticize
and doesn’t blame or shame or hate or hit. Or ignore or deceive. You are either loving or
you’re not, you can’t fake it. You’re either saying and doing
loving things or you’re not. You cannot say that you are a person who is experiencing God’s love and living the way God wants you to live and you’re mean to the
people who live with you. There is a reason that you’re mean and you need to find out what that is, where did that come from? Because God is the God
of love who absolutely is crazy about you. And he wants you to be
crazy about the other people that he’s created. The fourth word, there’s
Lordular, otherward, volitional and my
favorite, everythingical. (congregation laugh) Love is everythingical, it’s
the greatest of all acts. It is the highest of all attainments and if you miss love, you
are missing everything. It doesn’t matter that you’re here if you don’t leave here wanting
to experience God’s love, wanting to share that with other people, wanting to do loving acts
that are uncalled for. Look at 1 Corinthians 13:1-3. I could speak all the languages
of earth and of angels but didn’t love others, I
would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy and if I understood all
of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge
and if I had such faith that I could move mountains
but didn’t love others, I’d be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my
body, I could boast about it but if I didn’t love others,
I would have gained nothing. Think about that. Give everything away for whatever reason. But if there isn’t love in your heart, might as well keep it. It’s worth nothing. I think that’s pretty amazing. You miss love and you miss everything. What’s the point? It’s like this, if you went to
every Chick-fil-A restaurant in the world and only ordered
the char broiled chicken, you would’ve missed the whole point. It’s about the fried chicken. The recipe, it was inspired by God. And you, the char broiled
is just for people who are almost dead, that’s my thinking. You, if you went to every one of them and only had the char broiled
you would not have experienced Chick-fil-A, come on. If you went into Haagen-Dazs
would you order Jello? No, no. Ice cream, that’s what it’s about. Well that’s what God’s saying here. I think he’s referring to Chick-fil-A. If you, if you, if you
miss the love thing, you miss everything. And so it’s worth every
bit of effort it takes to become a person who
is known by their love and experiences God’s love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says three
things will last forever. Faith, that’s gonna last forever. Hope and love, but the
greatest of these is love. A lot of times people, they
don’t really reject Christ. They reject some of us that follow Christ because they don’t see the love. And if it’s not there, we
can do something about it. My wife, she loves people. When I left you know, she just says, “Hey Steve, go love those people. “Not hard to love you.” One day I was in an
airport, I had a little time and I walked by this store and they had the perfect, I’ve never
seen a pair of shoes look so perfect and I just
said I gotta go try those on. So I go in, I try them on and they fit perfectly,
they were spectacular, I loved them. I might have a shoe problem, I don’t know. I might have a shoe problem. So I went home, told my wife, I said, you know I saw these shoes and told her the store and everything. I said oh man, they were so perfect and but, they were too much money. I still remember how the
tissue sounded and felt when I folded back up but here, nope not getting those. Explained all that to her. So I said so you know I just, I really said no to those shoes and I obsessed over
them a couple of months and so this past
Thanksgiving I was scheduled to preach at Northview Church in Carmel and do the message on
Thanksgiving weekend. So I said that Misty,
can we go in the bedroom. I just wanna talk to for you a second. Another something to work on? I was like no, no no not that no. So I said you know, you
remember those shoes I was telling you about
that were too much. Well I went online honey
and they’re on sale. And she went oh yeah. And you know I’m preaching
Thanksgiving weekend and you know I love, I love
to preach with good shoes. You got you know, there’s
something spiritual. Soul, all that stuff there’s a connection and I said, I really you know, I don’t really want
anything else for Christmas but those shoes and, and
I would love to get them a little early. She looked at me funny and she got up, and she went over to the
closet, she reaches up, and she had already ordered those shoes. These shoes that I’m wearing. (congregation laugh) Now I gotta tell you, people
do those kinds of things unexpected acts of love to me, I lose it. I think I cried for two days. I just, you know I
always resented my father for getting choked up so
easily and then I became him and oh my goodness. She was thinking of me not her. And I don’t know what
it is, maybe somebody in your life needs shoes. I don’t know, I doubt that. But what is it? What is it you could do like that that would surprise somebody and would be such an affirming act of love that they would never question
that you really love them. What if you did something uncharacteristic and just did some act of love. That says, man, I love you. I wanna read one last
astounding Scripture, it’s this. Romans 8:39 and 39 and I’m convinced that nothing can ever
separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today,
nor our worries about tomorrow. Not even the powers of
hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above
or in the earth below, indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us
from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. You do not have the power to
get God to stop loving you. You don’t have it. There is nothing you can
do to stop God’s love. He loves you. Absolutely loves you and nothing
will end that love for you and so you can see, it’s so powerful, so pervasive, if you don’t
experience it, then surely there is something that
can be done to repair it. Last week Rick finished with three things in managing the mind
and I’ve adapted that, wanna follow that same
format as we wrap up here. Three things for the heart. If you’re not, if you’re
not experiencing God’s love, maybe it’s time to feed your heart. Feed it with God’s truth. Feed it with time with God. And find a loving, healing community like a Celebrate Recovery group where they just wanna love you. They’re not gonna judge you and heal. Maybe it’s divorce care, grief care, a home group that’s fantastic or maybe it’s a Bible study
where people are authentic but find place where you can
experience God’s healing love. I’ve gotta tell you something,
if you’re living in shame and guilt, feeling like
something you’ve done makes you some kind of
second-class person, not in God’s kingdom. When you accept Christ’s forgiveness and not in this church. I mean think about this. This is, this is one of
the greatest churches if not the greatest church in the world. And I got asked to speak here. I’ve been divorced when I was younger, I paid for an abortion, I
have made so many mistakes but through that
experience with Saddleback, the grace of Rick and everybody else, I’m up here talking because I
think God wants you to know, you don’t ever need to feel left out. No matter what you have
done, you can be all in. That’s what Saddleback’s all about. That’s what the kingdom
of God is all about. That’s how much God loves you, yeah. (congregation applauds) And then you free your heart. Free it of the shame, free it
from the destructive passions that may own you. The self worship. Get help, get treatment,
whatever it takes. There could be a match made in heaven between you and a psychiatrist or a psychologist or a counselor, something that could truly free your heart and then focus your heart. Focus it on obeying God and
focus it on being generous with what you have and showing compassion to the people that are near you. The people that you
love and that love you. And find a way to be kind and gentle. So I made up the words and
they form the acronym LOVE in case you missed that. It’s really clever I know and but I hope that maybe you could remember them and I’m hoping that maybe you would, that you’d be aware that
something’s not right in the area of love and
it’s really important to be aware but you know what? Awareness isn’t enough. Maybe you go beyond just being aware and you want things to be different. You are motivated, well
I’m gonna tell you, the least effective indicator of change is desire and motivation. You’d think that’d be really important, no because you need a third element. And it’s called willingness
and so don’t ask what you’re aware of, don’t
ask what you want or desire or are motivated to do. Ask what am I willing do
to experience God’s love? And live the way that God
has called me to live. I’ll just, I’ll give you this one example. When you go to Outback Steakhouse, they serve this deep fried onion blossom, these things kill people every day. People are falling out of the booth and if you look, they’ve got
defibrillators around the room. And the, the staff, they’re
trained like flight attendants they know how to work
them and guy follows them and then they you know,
you’re back, he’s up. Ordering more food. Well they can’t save everybody. Rather than take them out
front, take them out back. Outback Steakhouse so. (congregation applauds) I’m expecting the lawsuit any day. So if you wanna walk out the front door, you have to be willing
to say no to some things that other people think are just fine and that, that is so true
in our Christian life. You have to get rid of some stuff that’s destroying the love
and you have to say yes to some things that other
people, maybe they don’t think that’s so important. And when you do that, if
you’re willing to give up a few things and add some things and truly manage your heart, and rethink love God’s love will infiltrate your heart and it will saturate your life and it will satisfy your
soul with a peace, no fear. That passes all understanding. So, when you rethink your
life, rethink your love. Now I really love you guys. It has been so great
to be here this weekend and I hope and pray something that I said will make a difference in your life. God bless you. And walk in love, till next time. – Thanks for checking out
this message on YouTube. My name is Jay and I’m
Saddleback’s online pastor. I wanna invite you to take your next step by checking out our online community or help get you connected to
a local Saddleback campus. Three things we have
to offer you right now. First, learn more about
belonging to our church family by taking Class 101. Second, don’t live life alone and get into community with others by joining an online small group or a local home group in your area. Third, join our Facebook
group to be more engaged with our online community
throughout the week. Take your next step and learn where a local campus is near you by visiting or email [email protected] Hope to hear from you soon.

15 comments on “Change The Way You Think About Love with Steve Arterburn

  1. I know it's a joke but a female body is designed to give birth to babies. Our bodies weren't made to push rocks through meat. I have passed about 50 stones so I'm here to tell you it HURTS! 🙂

    Edit: That was an excellent message on love. I'm going to share it with my wife.

  2. sorry my friend.. anything more than a minute of jokes tells me that you are a bit too much about yourself.  people then remember the jokes and not the sermon.  gotta tune out.  its too bad, cause anything on love I like to see.  will have to go elsewhere.

  3. I remember having a book by you” called the battle of the mind “ bought by my wife some years ago please call me @ (905) 277 1897 as l am on a wheelchair today as having a stroke 05 years ago— unable to walk for now & she does not give me the phone plus extremely rude— I haven’t heard from pastor Rick Warren @ [email protected] we live in Mississauga Toronto & we need godly counseling for a long time been married for 32 years already —please please please do contact us listened to you @ a home day care —thank God for your awesome message as I bumped into you having heard pastor Rick Warren—Andrew Martenstyn(listener) looking forward to hear from you or pastor Rick Warren kindly @ your convenience—Anticipating to hear

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *